Like Water Off a Duck's Back
He said I should have tougher skin, “like water off a duck’s back.”
This was the advice of a former academic department head who heard me get upset about something someone said to me.
What he was really telling me was not to take things too personally.
It was good advice, although it took me a while to figure out how to do just that.
One of the first things I began to realize is how most people only think of themselves most of the time as well as their own safety, security and desires -- what everyone needs. And they act accordingly. They blindly walk out of stores onto sidewalks without looking. They lash out at a store clerk or receptionist for the smallest slight -- like the insightful Garbage Truck Story:
“Twenty years ago, while riding in a New York City taxi, international keynote speaker and positive psychology leader David J. Pollay narrowly escaped a life-threatening car crash. The driver who almost caused the accident started yelling at the cab driver, who remarkably just smiled, waved, and wished him well. Pollay asked how the cabbie could remain so calm, and his response sparked the defining principle of The Law of the Garbage Truck: "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. . . . And if you let them, theyll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, dont take it personally . . . move on."
They set their eyes on the target and head straight there, even when "straight there" impedes many others’ "straight there".
I began to notice how my frustrations and stressors were significantly reduced when I put my focus on the individual, instead of trying to take it personally.
By putting my focus on the other, I can find alternative scenarios that might apply to this individual. Maybe they just got some bad news. Maybe their wife is having a baby right now. Maybe they are just stuck in their own head. It really doesn’t matter what scenario is right, it just means I am caring more about their wellbeing and less about my own ego.
Having said that, there might be a good reason for me to think about my own involvement -- particularly if I am to blame for someone else’s discontent.
And in those moments, I have learned to quickly apologize and seek atonement where possible.
But most of the time I find it is better to not take it personally.
Imagine how much more peaceful our world would be if we all reacted like water off a duck’s back.
Photo: Tammy Brimner/TLBVelo Photography
